- Debbie – cocktail waitress, attractive, naïve, perky, blonde musical theater major and former captain of her cheerleading squad for Big 10 Conference University. Christian fundamentalist.
- Juan – a little asexual but unbelievably attractive, fantastic shower singer, especially to himself, and an unbelievable dancer. All the girls love him, but he develops a uncomfortable crush for Taylor. (Imagine Wilmer Valderrama, Julio Iglesias and Chris Brown all had a baby).
- Marshall, stagehand - Detroit funk singer reduced to maintenance work in order to keep up with payments for court ordered child support
- Taylor – Waiter - Former All American Big Man on Campus, heartthrob of the Southern University Theatre, finding it challenging to live in the big city where everyone wants to be a star
- Ling Ling, stage manager - adopted Asian banana (white on the inside but yellow on the outside) but discovering her innate Asian roots and innate dominatrix tendencies
- Antonio – bartender – failed actor, bitter, envious of the other much more talented staff, pretends to be a great guy but plots and roots for their failure so his misery can have company.
You know, I wrote a short play kind of like this….in high school. I threw it away. Because it was bad. Wasn’t as racist as this, though.
Sometimes these breakdowns are hilarious.
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